like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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