I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
