For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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