either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
