I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
