So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
