Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
