Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
