her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
