Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
