girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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