she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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