As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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