Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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