I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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