How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
