Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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