the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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