we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
