no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
