3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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