Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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