whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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