The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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