so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green