To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.