I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary