you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.