Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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