Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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