Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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