dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
