Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
