i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
