had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
