I'm going to jail i love you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
