i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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