If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
