dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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