I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
