they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
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I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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