Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
