So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
