I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize