Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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