There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
