I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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