just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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