there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We need to get me chipped asap
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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