Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
