We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
