two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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