YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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