i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
