I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
