remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
