____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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