I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
