I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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