Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
