Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Shame - the story of my life.
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