If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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