Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
