She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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