Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
