you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
