no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
