I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
