he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
