Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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