im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
