that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
