Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But theres a keg here and me gusta
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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