all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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