My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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