bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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