Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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