Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
