i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
